Ask The Sexpert: How Can Lesbians Have Reliable Sex? | GO Mag

Lately, i am watching lots of different wellness sources and community frontrunners talk about exactly how lesbians have no need for condoms anyway in their sex techniques. And that idea actually perplexes me! Each and every time I see clearly someplace, we stop and believe

huh? In which performed these individuals obtain better intercourse information from?

This might be an integral part of a larger social issue for the reason that lesbian, queer and bi ladies are typically left behind when you look at the conversation about intimate health and STIs. It’s like individuals think

STIs

merely result from penises and that lesbian, queer and bisexual women you shouldn’t ever

have

penises.

Information flash:
STIs is handed down in several ways
. Through skin to epidermis contact. From anal sex. From oral gender. From sharing sex toys. Mostly whichever gender you are having, it really is most likely that STIs can possibly be offered, from one person to another. It’s also important to remember that lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies sometimes have penises. Or often we utilize dildos during intercourse. And also for both a dildo and a penis, condoms can be utilized as a barrier solution to lower the likelihood of STIs getting passed away.

In de-stigmatizing STIs, you’ll want to keep in mind that it isn’t the termination of globally should you decide taste positive for an STI. Your lifetime and your sex life are not over. When we are able to gain access to this sort of safer intercourse info, next we can all develop and find out together—and have more pleasant sex!

We’ve currently talked-about
different shield methods
that lesbian, queer and bisexual women are able to use whenever having sex together. And indeed, condoms come in those choices. You need condoms as a barrier whenever having a penis in pussy or whenever having
anal sex
, if you are using a masturbator or dildo, and you can also reduce a condom along the center (with scissors) if you want a dental care dam for analingus or dental intercourse. As soon as we inform ladies who sleep together with other women that they you should not

want

condoms to apply better intercourse, we’re perpetuating this myth our intercourse is intrinsically safe from any STIs being shared.

A lot of of my lesbian, queer and bisexual buddies often laugh regarding how they do not exercise less dangerous intercourse. I hear queer ladies make laughs about dental dams and just how they not have as soon as utilized all of them. All this helps make me personally wonder whom within neighborhood would really exercise less dangerous gender? Whenever the audience isn’t making use of barrier methods, tend to be we after that having detailed talks about our very own intimate health before we f*ck? Are we continuously prioritizing obtaining tested between our very own associates? And not only a pap smear (
because that doesn’t include it-all
), but like acquiring an entire build up?

I really don’t state any one of this to get judgmental, after all. I have been that woman to laugh about dental care dams. I’ve also got one night appears where i did not prioritize me personally or my partner’s sexual wellness. But i would like all of us to complete better. Needs us to be able to have actual, nuanced conversations about our very own intimate wellness. Because it does matter, babes. And I also need previous laughing about dental care dams and shrugging off condoms as a choice.

Usually within this talk, I have asked

well, what if I want to utilize a dental dam but she does not think’s hot?

This worry is really prevalent that personally i think like many lesbian, queer and bisexual women can be actually afraid to inquire of their particular partners to practice much safer sex. But let me make it clear a queer lady secret, obtaining dental gender through a dental dam is actually beautiful and feels remarkable. Actually, the person it surely alters situations for will be the person giving the oral. It’s a bit various of an event, but one which you may get used to! Its hot for all the individual receiving because 1. you are both prioritizing one another’s sexual wellness, that’s hot AF and 2. in my own sincere opinion, it still feels pleasurable as f*ck.

I additionally learn how tough it can be to bring within the discussion of STIs before you decide to make love, especially if you’ve never had intercourse using this individual before. A very important factor I learned during my many years of messily navigating gender and connections is while I talk with someone about the method of gender we both want and regarding what variety of barriers you want to use—i’ve wayyyy better sex. Like I am not claiming this simply because i am a sex technical. I’m telling you my personal honest queer woman reality. Intercourse is way better whenever you mention desire along with your figures first.

Let’s break it all the way down.

You and this prospective hookup do not know each other’s systems but. Every person provides their needs and ticks and techniques, that change them the f*ck on. Even though you might play a guessing game if you are sex to find out just what ~feels good~ with this new person, you could potentially instead, explore it ahead of time. Is not it enjoyable to f*ck somebody how they wish to be f*cked? Then you certainly know the go-to place for them, in which you need to build-up to and the ways to get them to end up being putty within hand.

In terms of discussing exactly what obstacles and/or toys you wish to use if you are having sex—a large amount of people think it’s very not beautiful and takes all the fun from the jawhorse. But envision if you’re having sex however the whole time you’re anxious as you truly wished to make use of a dental dam but did not can tell their that and so now you can not have an orgasm because you’re very in your head about not speaking upwards for your needs? That is no fun for anyone, trust me. Once you get that conversation taken care of prior to beginning making love, then chances are you already know to choose the condom if you use your own strap-on or whether she’s cool with fluid bonding or not. They’re vital facets of gender and we should not dismiss all of them.

I have homework for every of you looking over this today. The very next time you are having a fresh hookup with somebody, attempt to incorporate a number of these talks just before smack the bedsheets to check out precisely what the email address details are. I guess you that you will have some mind-blowing consensual much safer sex!

Had gotten any gender questions? Please reach out: Corinne@gomag.com!